maporma1008's Xanga

I'm Back... I think.. hehehe!

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 07:41:39 GMT

Wow!!

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 06:08:37 GMT

"LOST"

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:27:52 GMT

I was up all night again last night. I have so much in my mind and it's a mess. It doesn't matter how organize I can be I can still easily lose myself in my thoughts. I don't know if that makes any sense but that is my mood at the moment "Lost"!

I love watching movies and its all that I have been doing lately. My mother believes that I might be trying to escape from reality by watching movies. She said she was joking but it really made me think. Maybe there is some truth to her comedic attempt. Maybe I really don't know myself as well as I thought.

Numb!

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:30:57 GMT

I had a good conversation with a friend today. I was at buffalo wild wings talking to her on the phone while drinking a tall glass of Blue moon.. hehehe! She told me that she noticed i have been drinking more than usual. I laughed and said I don't know what you are talking about. I was really honest about the response I gave her. I really did not know what she was talking about until I had a moment to think and look back at 2 weeks into my life. I have been drinking more. To be more specific... last night i finished a bottle or red wine and also the day before that. last saturday i went out with 2 of my best friends clubbing to celebrate my brithday. I think i drank about 15 beers that night.

She also said I'm probably thinking to much. She thinks that I am magnifying my problems to the point where i gave it life. Because I gave it life I lost control and helped it evolve into pain. She believes that I drink to numb myself from that pain.

I told her she is over reacting about this. Then she said..... she wishes she over reacted with her father before he passed away and maybe he would still be alive today. Her father was an alcoholic. He died because of the complications that came with his addiction. I said I'm sorry about her father. She then said.... I got though it with a lot of work and sacrifices, but if it happens again to someone I love and care about... I don't know if I could get through it again.

Our conversation ended by me saying I have to go cause my mom is calling. She wasn't really calling. Why did I do that? I don't understand. Why did I lie to her? She is probably going to read this and I'm really sorry I did that.

SEX AND MORE SEX!

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:17:53 GMT

Sex and more Sex!

Well I understand that Sex should be about the emotional journey and it should be spiritual... But if your partner just lays there and you are doing all the work then all the emotional and spiritual stuff just went out the window!

To have good sex you should have the skills needed. You have to be imaginative and sometimes a little freaky.... nothing wrong with that... hehehe! We have needs or wants that we want our partner to fulfill. If that is fulfilled then the emotional journey is worth taking.

Sex to me is so much better when its with someone who you truly have feelings for. It doesn't have to be love. Attraction is also strong. But if you want sex to be fulfilling and meaningful then find someone you love. Attraction can just do so much. Attraction is fun but that can fade easily and the person you were with will eventually just disappear and you better hope that that person is not a friend because even your friendship can be destroyed.

Love in other hand will not easily fade away. Because when it is gone.... it hurts. I know we do not want to feel hurt. But sometimes the hurt keeps us coming back. Hurt is one of the emotions that keeps us committed to the people we love and to ourselves. I am not talking about abuse or any of that horrible stuff. Because if you are in an abusive relationship you know what the pain is like and you know you should get out... but some people don't. I won't get into that right now. But i hope you know the difference. If you do... then I believe you now have the tools to take this to the next level. Now sex has become a part of your spiritual journey.

Okey i'm not saying "attraction sex" is bad. I am merely explaining the differences of the two in my own opinion. I could be wrong but it doesn't matter. What really matters is what you believe in. What matters is what you think you deserve. But if your belief takes you to the wrong path then at least be mature enough to take responsiblity. Nothing is ever easy..... but at least try to be someone you can be proud of. peace!!

Doing The Right Thing Sucks!!!

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:55:48 GMT

Doing the right thing is always so damn hard to do. I have been trying to practice this type of living for the past 2 years now. I am proud of some of the things that I have accomplished and the people that i have helped. I am most specially proud of the relationship I built with friends and sad for the friends I've lost... not because of death but because of the lack of trust.

The only thing that gave me the drive to always try to do the right thing is to always remember that I am human. Even though I want to be perfect I know that I can not.

I still do stupid things. I still hurt the ones I love and care about... even though its not my intention. But I always try to make it right. I also know I should forgive people for what they have done to me... but it is not easy. Not because I don't want to do it... but its because I am not ready.

I love taking the easy way out to resolve my issues. When I say easy way out.... I mean whats going to make me feel good now. Just to temporally forget my problems. I pretty much just drug myself to forget about it and not deal with it.

I still have some of those bad habits... Not the drug part.... I don't do that anymore. But I am not going to sit here and lie that i haven't thought about it. I like to believe that I am stronger now because of experience.

When I speak of this to some people specially friends some of them tend to remind me of what I have done in the past. They make it seem like I can never change. Like its impossible or something. I almost believed them. But then I realize their lives are no better than mine. They have issues and they cover it by blaming other people instead of facing up to it. Some even hurt other people just so they feel better about themselves. OMG!! This sounds totally like me a couple years ago.

I think I have grown! My faith is stronger and the line I walk seems straighter. I've let a lot of damaging things go specially the things that i have no control of. I am closer to my family than ever and most importantly I have gained a lot of their trust back.

But even though it is wonderful now. The road I had to take was not an easy one. It is frustrating and the challenges are always a constant battle to be fought. But just like a lion in battle.... I have learned to roar!!

peace!!

Feel Like a Newbie again!! LOL

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:08:29 GMT

I haven't logged on to xanga for awhile and all these new upgrades and changes makes me feel like a newbie. Makes me feel lazy and really just don't want to be bothered. If I didn't like xanga so much i would not be here.... :) I think Xanga is better than those other journal sites... plus I still have loyal friends here that keeps in touch... hehehe! I guess i am still motivated somehow.

So my birthday is coming.... next month to be exact. October 8 BABY!!!!! I'll be turning 35. I'm happy but still dispointed because I wanted to be a millionaire by the time I turn 35.... hehehe! So yeah that did not go as planned.

I've downloaded the 1st season of Dexter and Just finished watching it today. I like that show a lot. If you have never heard of it, its about a serial killer who kills people who got away with murder or people that got lucky and beat the system somehow. I find myself admiring the guy. I'm not really sure if I like the character of dexter or not but I would rather see a serial killer kill people who thinks they can get away with murder.

So anyways... I'll stop at this point. Please give me your input on this blog today. Would like to know how you would probe someone like me psychologially by reading this blog.

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This Kid is awsome.. and funny.. hehehe!

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:29:02 GMT

Unforeseen Events!

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 07:43:10 GMT

Amazingly enough some things are happening in my life that I did not expect to happen. Some are questionable but some are also things that gives me a little glimpse of what the future can bring.

New friends are one of those things that life gives you as a gift You should never deny it but you should also have enough intelligence who you welcome in your life. I once said that not everyone that laughs with you is a friend, and I believe that. Some friends we lose, some will turn their back on you, but some will be there forever because they understand what it takes to be a friend.

Last weekend a friend of mine Proposed to the love of his life. Another miracle that is manifesting itself into reality. I'm proud of you Rey. Aileen is a wonderful woman. You are truly a very lucky guy. It is also wonderful to see Aileen very happy. You deserve it sweetheart! Good luck with Everything and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Here is a video I put together that evening. It is also a video introducing a new friend of mine. Enjoy!

Boy!!! what a week!!

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:42:19 GMT

Well I can't work so I need to do stuff that helps me from going KU KU for my cocoa puffs.. hehehe. One of those things are watching filipino movies. Since I got out of the hospital last month, I can honestly say I have watched over 10 filipino movies. That is a lot for me. The filipino stores here don't really have that much selections and plus most of them are VCD's. I hate VCD's!! The quality sucks and every movie are in 2 disc. It is annoying to have to change disc in the middle of the movie... specially when you are really into it.

I think time is something that some people take to much for granted. When I was working I always hope that I could go home and spend the rest of my days on my computer. Now that this hope had become a reality it makes me wish I was back at work. Its not work that I miss.... What i miss the most is really the time and the connection I had with my coworkers. I really felt more alive there than being here at home. I can see how bordom can change someone. This change could be a bad thing. The worst is if you change into someone or something that you can't possibly be proud of. I think having a social life is very important... i think it is a life style. Well, not only that but I also believe having a social life is a part of survival. Friends and family provide a necessity that money can not buy. They remind us of who we are and most importantly where we came from. There is always someone in that circle that understands you and always knows when to give a hug. There is always someone that gives the perfect handshake, the perfect kiss, the perfect compliment and the perfect constructive criticizm. These are the reasons why I always look forward to gatherings. I love the familiar faces and I love the beginning of new friendhip. That to me is precious.

Last sunday was my stepsons Baptism. Check out the pictures I posted on my previous blog. It was really an honor to be there. Baptism is such an amazing and wonderful event and the ceremonies are memorable. There were 3 other babies there and their parents were as excited as we were... hehehe! Jayden (Baptism boy) was so cute and so adorable. It brought tears to my eyes to see such a wonderful moment for all the parents... because I can still remember when Brandon was baptised. It was one of those happiest moments in my life. It is also an experience that I am hoping my son will share with his children one day. I can only hope to live long enough to see that.

Well I am running out of stories to tell you. It is 9:30am and I am still so sleepy so ill be going back to bed now.. hehhe! Have a wonderful day!! peace!